PUGS! HAHAHAHAHA

[Quackenstine]

Seeing as how we were discussing this in gchat earlier, I figured id post this.

Tired of bad PUGs? Be proactive! In today's busy world, who has time to alt+tab and armory every single candidate for a simple pickup group? One of the basic tenets of science is forming a hypothesis based on little to no evidence at all, and then testing it. If Einstein did it, so can you. Introducing...

Basic Assumption and Discernment System

B.A.D.S.

When gauging whether to take a new member into your formulating PUG, run through this checklist. All you need to know is his name, title, guild, class, and race!

Every prospective member of your PUG starts with a default score of 0.

Ready?

Let's begin.

Step 1 - Are they some form of elf? If so, subtract one point. If they are are some form of elf hunter, subtract two points. If they are some form of elf death knight, subtract three points.

Step 2 - They're not an elf? Add one point, unless they possess a mohawk or the "sephiroth" hairdo, in which case they get nothing.

Step 3 - Subtract one point if their name includes any of these phrases: killer, death, dark, murder, revenge, blood, gank, sux, nub, legolas, or the Xx-name-xX bracketing style.

Step 4 - Subtract one point if their name contains any strange symbols that are impossible to type normally. If their name meets this criteria as well as that of step 3's, they are instantly disqualified. If you cannot resist the urge to point out how ridiculous their names are, remember "Ü╣#æ╕τ↑" is a powerful insult in their mysterious gibberish language.

Step 5 - Add one point if their guild name makes some sort of sense - "Eternal Guardians", "Army of the Horde", and "Alliance Defenders" are all passable names. Subtract two points if their guild name seems to be cobbled together from random words, such as "Final Chaos", "Deathkillers", or "Nightdagger Darkmen".

Step 6 - Subtract one point if their character name is violently at odds with their character's gender. For example, "troyaikman", female night elf rogue.

Step 7 - Subtract one point if they are unguilded and still wearing a blank tabard. Subtract an additional point if they are missing the pupils of their eyes, giving them away as children of the corn.

Step 8 - Subtract five points if the first thing they say in party chat has anything to do with: Their mom being mean, how awesome a certain band is, how they just owned some nub, or some sort of estimate as to how high they are right now, man.

Step 9 - If they are displaying the Jenkins title, subtract five points. If they are also part of a guild whose name references Jenkins, subtract an additional five points. If they are "Jenkins Jenkins <The Jenkinses>", you have stumbled upon an abomination and it is your responsibility to destroy it before it harms anyone else.

Step 10 - Once in your group, take a look at how close they are to the instance when they ask "can i get a summon"? If they are are the second-closest, subtract one point. If they are the closest, choose a friend to come with you to Uldaman and summon him to there. Then kick him from the group.

Step 11 - Typing in coherent sentences earns them a point. They lose a point if they choose to use voice chat, but you cannot hear them over the My Chemical Romance music in the background.

All set?

Once the points are all tallied up, check the chart below for your results.

3+ Points: A paragon of worthiness. Act quickly before someone else snaps them up.
2 Points: They pass with flying colors. Worth an invite.
-1 to 1 Point: You could do better, but you could also do worse. Try flipping a coin.
-5 to -2 Points: Congratulations, you've encountered your average WoW player.
-5 Points or Below: You've probably just been propositioned by an unguilded night elf or blood elf death knight with the Jenkins title. Do not panic. Consider defusing this potentially hostile situation with phrases they can understand, like "naw man changed my mind gonna go play ff7 again peace" or "i had to disband the group bro, WWE wrestling just came on and two chicks are gonna fight on a giant marshmallow".

[Rilgon]

Three points. Booyah.

Although I want to murder the creator of this for using "bad" as a noun and even moreso for the idiotic term "bads".